What’s a Grand Good For?? Here are a Few Ideas!


For the average American worker that is being paid $35,000 dollars a year, $1,000 dollars may seem like a lot of money. It is probably your mortgage payment, home improvement loan or debt reduction payment. However, for some who make… let’s just say… $600,000 dollars, $1,000 is a drop in the bucket.

A grand becomes a nice night out, maybe a trip to Best Buy to revamp that entertainment center or a car payment. A grand can buy a lot of extraneous things for some who can afford it and here is a look at ten of them available on Ebay right now! Well, nine of them anyway…

10. A Mounted Male Coyote – This Coyote has been mounted by a taxidermist who is “known nationally for his skilled world mounting wild game.”(what?) This animal was a native of Illinois before being taken by the auctions poster with an M16.

9. Original Clown and Dog Painting – This amazing painting of a clown and his dog can be yours. “It is in great condition, vibrant in color and detail. It was displayed in the Frankenmuth Gallery in Michigan.”

8. 18th Century Small Monkey Meissen Figurine – I will leave this description up to the folks who are running this auction. “18th Century. The piece measures 1.33 inches tall by 1 x 0.75 inches. No defects.”

7. 1966 Chevoret Nova – this Chevy Nova was just like new back in 1966…today? Not so much, but you can certainly buy it for parts!

6. Bill Blass Vintage Red Cocktail Dress – Feel like you are dancing around in a scene from your favorite John Hughes film from the 1980’s with this vintage lace dress! Or according to the folks hosting this auction, “The Vanity of the Bonfires” which must have been a hit in the land of the dyslexics!

5. 4 Michael Jackson Superstar of the 80’s dolls – A must have for anyone with $1,000 extra dollars laying around. I mean they each have their own “glittering magic glove, microphone, and posing stand.”

4. 1959 David Bradley Suburban Garden Tractor – How can you not make this purchase, especially when you read a description that says: “Runs good, new bowl gasket carb work…Starts up. carb work to be done.”

3. 35 Long Banquet Tables – I mean who doesn’t have a need for 35, 96″ banquet tables. Perfect for Stanley Cup parties, impromptu get togethers and god knows what else. Need another reason? “The extra thick steel tubing ensures that the wishbone style legs won’t bend when the going gets tough.”

2. Genuine Alien Skull – An amazing item that probably proves that there is life on other planets! I never realized that Aliens can to earth and died in rocky outcroppings, but this skull was apparently found while the auction’s host was “rock hunting.” They are also guaranteeing that it is “not reproduced or man made.”

The best and most frivolous way for a $600,000 dollar man to spend $1,000 dollars is…

Live out your dream of becoming a pro wrestling champion by going all “Nature Boy” Rick Flair on Sidney Crosby and putting him in your signature finishing move…the figure four leg lock.

Ok… I sort of took the long way around to get to this joke, but I look at fining a professional athlete $1,000.00 dollars in the same way that I would if someone fined me a $10 spot. It has little to no impact and is done for show in the middle of an ongoing feces storm.

Fining Steve Downie $1,000 dollars? Why bother…

What are your thoughts?


About Brian Metzer

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Born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Brian Metzer has been covering the Pittsburgh Penguins and National Hockey League since 2004. He is the host of Penguins Live Weekly, a show that airs Saturday mornings on 105.9 the X and iHeart Radio. He serves as the Pittsburgh Penguins correspondent for NHL Network Radio on SiriusXM, and is the NHL and Penguins correspondent for the Beaver County Times. Metzer is also a contributing writer for and is the primary contributor for this site

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  1. Buzz

    March 16, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    What can $232,000.00 buy me?

  2. LJ Murray

    March 17, 2010 at 6:49 am

    I question the heart on this team
    That could have been a defining moment in the season where the team decides that they are all in this together and are sticking up for each other
    Someone anyone should have made Downie Soff there B*&@# for the rest of the game
    What if Sid would have blew out his knee and no one except TK answered the bell
    Another thing is this team is playing scared and I can only blame the Cooke hit
    I hope they get it out of their system after Thursday
    I love Cookie but I am worried his hit on hit put us into a funk
    Everybody is looking over their shoulder and playing like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop
    Great Column

  3. 60sixx

    March 17, 2010 at 7:28 am

    GREAT column.

    LJ Murray’s comment really made me think. I hope that’s not the case. Guess we’ll know in the next couple games?

  4. Peter

    March 17, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Nice, he definitely deserved more than $1000 fine in my opinion.

  5. A. Hopper

    March 17, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Fabulous! Was just having a similar conversation with a colleague today! Really, what’s a grand to a pro hockey player?